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| Ok, I'm back at State and so that means that all those people yelling at me to update will get to read this beautiful writing(i wish). Well Christmas break was pretty hectic, since I was teaching/working as a Mexican(no offense)/and doing double duty for Christmas. So Now that I am back I am actually a little bored but also a little relieved that I don't have any major obligataions, minus school.
So my new thing to do is sit down and just play the guitar. It just relaxes me and takes away a lot of stress. I have also really enjoyed looking back at older stuff that I have just written down in my journal and try to put that into music. Its unbelievable how music can be used as a form of expression. But I hope that all of you had great Christmas breaks, and I hope that school is great for ya'll. But continue to read and I will continue to update. Peace.
"You can't find happiness if you won't let go" | | |
| Well folks, school might be out for ya'll but for me it's still going. As in elementary that is...Teaching is actually really really fun, and especially rewarding to see a kid learn something new cause of the way that you taught it to them. I am going to the Twin Lakes reunion this weekend so if you are in the Jackson area then we need to hang out cause the next week I will be working for my aunt building her house. Nice long construction days.
Oh and if anyone wants to get me a CD for Christmas then get me the Corey Crowder CD. You can buy it at his website. If you want to hear his music then go the www.purevolume.com and search for Corey Crowder. Click the link and listen to the songs "Heres to You Kid" and then the first one listed. And if you want to watch a movie then get 40 Year Old Virgin.. It is hilarious and the ending is unbelievebely funny. | | |
| Ok, so I am home for the holidays right now. I am in Oxford at my mom's and I am not feeling all that well. My throat hurts, I again have a fever, and my head is aching. I would like to say that I have no idea where I got this from but I have a great idea.
Lets just hope I get over this quickly.
Now for a more serious note. I asked Nash the other night a question that I have pondered a lot since I have been in about 10th grade. I mean everyone says "home is where the heart is" but that is still not a definition of "home." I have never really found an answer to what is home? It is almost like an out of body experience. Like i know that I am home, but my heart and mind tell me that this isnt home and it feels like there is no one location that can be called "home". But I guess I will figure it out eventually. | | |
| So Thanksgiving is over and I am relieved and disappointed at the same time.
Family time was different this year because I had to shuffle between my
mom's and my dad's(sounds weird). I realize everytime that I am with my
dad's side of the family that the reason they have so much love and
that warm feeling when I'm around is because they have one common
focus. Then I sadly leave them and go to my mom's. Not saying that I
love them, but it just seems as if they are the ones who try to buy us
over. Don't get me wrong thats all good and fun but really something
has gone wrong over the years.
This whole situation has just about been going on for a year and it
still hurts to not have a true traditional "family" but what really
hurts the most is to look at you father who you see as this strong man
and see him hurt because during a time for family fellowship, he lacks
a true family. Why do these things happen? Simple to make us stronger
people, but what happens when the day comes that you can't get back up?
Hopefully I will never find out. But I am sure you all are tired of
hearing me ramble about this so I will think of another post next time.
The title of this song basically tells what I feel about my
"family"....."Never Meant to Fail" by Alex Lloyd
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| What is love? Is love truely a choice? I mean my whole life you are
told that love is a choice but lately it seems like it isn't. Don't get
me wrong, I still believe that it is a choice but not as soundly as I
once did. Like how can someone be "in love" with a person they have
spent so many years of their life with, and then somehow in less than a
month be "in love" with someone else? Do I really have that much of a
choice. Thinking about it, it seems as if I don't cause I was born into
this and this situation was determined before I was thought of, so did
I really chose to love?
Coming up on Thanksgiving and Christmas, times originally called
"family" times are going to be difficult. I will be having a couple of
thanksgivings and this time it is not with one family it is going to be
with two seperate/split families. Will I make it? I know I will but
still it puts the uncertainty of life in more of a perspective than it
did last year. This weekend was a bust.
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